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Showing posts from November, 2014

Self Care Means Not Waiting To Be Happy!

When I insist that certain conditions be met, before I can be happy, a red flag now goes up in my mind.   When I believe that I am not OK as a person or not a good parent unless something specific happens, another red flag goes up in my mind.  Self Care means that I no longer "wait" to be happy.  I accept life and reality as it is right now.  And I find joy and peace....happiness....in the present moment. 

Whenever I tell myself some reason why I cannot be happy right now, or why I am not a good parent or person right now....I realize that whatever excuse I am coming up with, it is a lie.  It is an untruth that I am telling myself and it is not reality.  It is not accurate. 

Self Care teaches me that there are no conditions on my happiness nor on my value as a parent.  I am free to be happy regardless of my circumstances.  I am a good and OK person right now and I am no longer going to wait until some conditions are met, (like my children to not have autism) before I allo…

A Practice in Self Care that Helps Me

I think most of my suffering comes from the "stories" that I make up in my mind about events or people over which I am powerless.  It is not the event itself, but what I continue to tell myself about it.  I believe that it is the mind chatter, the toxic fear based "what if" scenarios running unquestioned that have caused me a lot of unnecessary suffering.

It is how I have tried to manage/control my fear.  Just for today, I can practice relying on my Higher Power* for a more accurate perspective and to recognize that the "stories" I make up are just that.

I can pause now and become aware that I am fully immersed in my Higher Power's/God's Loving Presence and I can see myself and my life events from that perspective.

Today I am going to practice recognizing and suspending the rehearsed "stories" I try to tell myself.

I am going to pause, and breathe deeply.  "Higher Power in" and then exhale, "everything else out".

My Favorite Best Self Care Free Resource!

I have found a WONDERFUL FREE Self Care resource for you!!!  It is available worldwide.  I have been personally using it everyday.  WHAT A GIFT FOR PARENTS!!!  Run, do not walk, to the nearest Parents Meeting of Al-Anon in your area!   I have been attending multiple meetings every week for over a year.  It is the best resource I have found for Parents of Youth or Adults with Autism/Aspergers/ADHD/Mental Illness!

At those meetings I am learning how to cope with my sons and daughter's autism and mental illness, in ways that are quality of life enhancing for all concerned.  My children with autism are now ages 17, 19 and 21 years old.  Practicing this program has improved the lives of my entire family.


The Al-Anon Literature is very applicable, if you just substitute the word "Autism, Aspergers,ADHD or Mental Illness" for Alcohol or Alcoholic.   This substitution opens up a treasure trove of valuable coping strategies regarding the behaviors of another person that are extr…

What Have Been Your Self Care Strategies?

“Wow, you certainly have your hands full!” If I had a nickel for every time I heard that expression, I would be a very rich woman!  As a parent of multiple children on the Autistic Spectrum it has been VITAL that I take time for Self Care.  I wanted to share what has worked for me in this Blog. 
I would like to hear from you!  What have been your Self Care Strategies that you have found helpful as a parent?     autismcaregiver@gmail.com
What has been helpful for me is:  1.Contact with Other Parents of Children with Autism, Aspergers or ADHD.  Sharing funny stories has actually been the most therapeutic!  It has so helped me during difficult times to think, “This is not funny right now…..But when I share it with some other moms…They will find it hilariously funny and I will be able to laugh too!”  Now that is QUALITY THERAPY like no other!   Sharing similar stories with others who are not parents of kids with autism will often get you long lingering stares of first shock, then disbelief …

Humor is Excellent Self Care!

Seeking out Comedy and Humor in my life is Excellent Self Care!   Here is a story that I find funny:  
I needed something that would take my mind off of parenting 3 children with Autism.  I needed some "me" time or a hobby that I could enjoy and use to relax.  So, the answer I thought was a cute little puppy.  I searched long and hard for "the perfect dog".  Finally after searching a number of possibilities, I decided on a breed I thought would be perfect!  I was thrilled.  We got our dog.  It was the cutest thing I had ever laid eyes on (besides my children of course).  The little puppy grew into a big fluffy bundle of joy!  A wild big bundle of joy.  So, I enrolled him in "Doggie Obedience School". 

It wasn't long before the Lead Doggie Trainer approached me and asked to speak with me after class one day.  After all the other Owners and their dogs walked to their vehicles, I was curious to find out why the head of the group had felt the need to s…

The Best Gift I Can Give To My Family

Sometimes I beat myself up mentally.  I tell myself that I am not a good parent.  Or I interpret the stares of others to contain that judgement.  But what is the Truth?  Is the truth that, "if only I tried harder....If only I were a better...."?

The truth is that, just like you, I am doing my best in a very difficult situation with the resources that I have available at the time.  The truth is that "I am enough and I am doing enough."  Any time I spend, beating myself up with unreasonable expectations, is waisted time.  I no longer need to waist my life with that self-destructive behavior. 

The truth is that, any time I spend on being kind and gentle to myself is time well spent.  What can I do today to be kind and loving, to me?  When I first care for myself, I have similar kind and loving resources that I can share with my family. 

Just for today, I will take the time to remember what I found enjoyable before "autism".  Just for today, I will redisco…