Tears rolled down my face as I sat on the floor of my closet listening to Marissa on the phone. I had finally put words to what I was feeling inside and she was responding to what I had shared.  I barely knew Marissa, but she and I were both parents.  We had both gone through and were going through grief.  She had lost her son to death.   

“For me it is kind of like a death in that, I grieve the death of the hopes and dreams that I had for my sons and daughter.” I told Marissa.

Recently my son who has high functioning autism, also started having psychosis.  He is 18 years old and now like his older sister, who has had a diagnosis of autism, since childhood, was showing signs of mental illness as well.

Marissa said that she hoped that I had reminders up around my house that told me to go way out of my way to CUT MYSELF SOME SLACK!!!  I told her that I am typically very hard on myself. She said that she was the same way!  Recently however, she had been relieved of that.  She wished for me that same huge relief!  

I was reminded how difficult it has been to hear others who are really hard on themselves.  It suddenly occurred to me, how perhaps it has been “difficult” for God to listen to me go on and on about how I am not doing this or that correctly, or how I don’t keep my house as uncluttered as it should be and on and on… 

I can CUT MYSELF SOME SLACK!!!!   Good grief!  I can be gentle and loving to myself.  I can talk kindly and allow myself to move through the feelings of grief and to be deeply affected by them.  It is OK.  It is OK that I wanted to sleep all the time.  It is OK that my house is cluttered or that I don’t make a beautiful meal of organic and extremely delicious food that my family absolutely loves every night.  It is OK that I find it difficult to be “present” and very loving and cheerful all the time.  I can allow myself to be a human.

I feel so full of peace now.  “Thank you Marissa.  You have really helped me!”  I can CUT MYSELF SOME SLACK!  J 



Thanks Dawn for sharing your story. Thanks also Marissa for those advises you gave to dawn. It also help me on situations like this. Thanks for inspiring me.

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