SELF CARE FOR PARENTS of Teen or Adult with Autism or Mental Illness

“Wow, you certainly have your hands full!” If I had a nickel for every time I heard that expression, I would be a very rich woman!  As a parent of multiple children on the Autistic Spectrum it has been VITAL that I take time for Self Care.  I wanted to share what has worked for me in this Blog.  I would like to hear from you!  What have been your Self Care Strategies that you have found helpful as a parent?     autismcaregiver@gmail.com What has been helpful for me is:  1.       Contact with Other Parents of Children with Autism, Aspergers or ADHD.   Sharing funny stories has actually been the most therapeutic!  It has so helped me during difficult times to think, “This is not funny right now…..But when I share it with some other moms…They will find it hilariously funny and I will be able to laugh too!”  Now that is QUALITY THERAPY like no other!   Sharing similar stories with oth...

Seeking out Comedy and Humor in my life is Excellent Self Care!   Here is a story that I find funny:   I needed something that would take my mind off of parenting 3 children with Autism.  I needed some "me" time or a hobby that I could enjoy and use to relax.  So, the answer I thought was a cute little puppy.  I searched long and hard for "the perfect dog".  Finally after searching a number of possibilities, I decided on a breed I thought would be perfect!  I was thrilled.  We got our dog.  It was the cutest thing I had ever laid eyes on (besides my children of course).  The little puppy grew into a big fluffy bundle of joy!  A wild big bundle of joy.  So, I enrolled him in "Doggie Obedience School".  It wasn't long before the Lead Doggie Trainer approached me and asked to speak with me after class one day.  After all the other Owners and their dogs walked to their vehicles, I was curious to find ou...

Sometimes I beat myself up mentally.  I tell myself that I am not a good parent.  Or I interpret the stares of others to contain that judgement.  But what is the Truth?  Is the truth that, "if only I tried harder....If only I were a better...."? The truth is that, just like you, I am doing my best in a very difficult situation with the resources that I have available at the time.  The truth is that "I am enough and I am doing enough."  Any time I spend, beating myself up with unreasonable expectations, is waisted time.  I no longer need to waist my life with that self-destructive behavior.  The truth is that, any time I spend on being kind and gentle to myself is time well spent.  What can I do today to be kind and loving, to me?  When I first care for myself, I have similar kind and loving resources that I can share with my family.  Just for today, I will take the time to remember what I found enjoyable before "autism"....

My son/daughter, is not my Report Card for self worth as a human being.  I get into trouble when I forget that. If my daughter has a bad day at school, it does not mean that my value as a person and parent is likewise not OK.  With Autism, there are ups and downs a lot .  It is best if I don't get on that roller-coaster and ride it like it determines how well I am doing as a parent. The phone rings, and my heart drops.  "Oh no!  Not again!"  And my day ends up being a tortured dance of me kicking myself and thinking that I am responsible for "making" my daughter behave normally.  What happens to my daughter today, has nothing to do with my value as a human being.  I am not responsible for her autism.  I did not cause it, for today I cannot cure it, and I no longer see it as my job description to control it.  

My job is not to try to force a change to anyone's journey here on earth.  My job is to accept them exactly as they are.  My opportunity is to love and find ways to express love for them as they are.

One of the BEST Self Care gifts that I have ever given to myself is finding another person who will gladly take the time to listen.  As parents we sometimes isolate ourselves for a variety of reasons.  Self Care insists that we make a commitment today, to find at least one person with whom we feel comfortable and who will listen to us.  We desperately need to speak our truth...and be heard.  This is the essence of Self Care.  Do you know another parent of a child/youth/adult with Autism or other challenge?  Self Care is finding  someone who will listen without judgement and without tryin to "fix".   Find a few of these people you can call, email, text, visit or write. One of our most desperate needs is to be heard.  Especially when we are Parents of someone with Autism.  I have 3 children with Autism Spectrum Disorder.  Many people have taken the time to listen to me over the years.  Without judgement, or th...

Last night we went to visit our daughter in the Psych Ward.   I know, I know, I am the mom who has four children and three of them have autism.   Why am I talking about a Psych Ward?   Well…our daughter (with High Functioning Autism) who is 18, started seeing things that weren’t there and hearing voices a little over a year ago.      This has progressively gotten much worse in the past couple weeks.   To the point where she can no longer tell that these delusions are not reality.   She is living in them all day, now most days.    Disbelief is the term that describes my state of mind, in our surreal drive to the Psych Hospital.   If only this were just a nightmare, that I could be assured that I would soon wake up from.   But,no…[After a few playful face slaps to myself]….No, this is not a nightmare.   I am already awake.   Life is not supposed to go like this!  The visit was very difficult to e...